Lately, when it comes to life - especially in cultivating joy and thankfulness - I've been feeling a lot like one of my girls' wind up toys. I go for a while and hit a wall then fall over, get wound up once more and hit the same wall only to fall over yet again. I've been trying harder to seperate emotion and actions. "Acting" happy, even when I'm not, etc, and in turn those actions sway the emotions. Why do I do this? Well, for one - I owe it to my two gorgeous girls to be a happy mom. They deserve nothing less. Secondly - what do I have to be "unhappy" about? Nothing. I am blessed beyond imagination - by worldy and non-worldly standards alike.

Failure has been a familiar tune being sung into my ear lately. I understand, very plainly, that a very real enemy plots to keep me unhappy. And while I'm down - the failures begin to emerge: "Lost patience with children, Let house get too messy, Ate too many snacks before bedtime, Got up too late to do devotional, Didn't organize everything well for work the next day, Said the wrong thing to that lady in the grocery store, etc. etc." Eventually you begin to believe these things and convince yourself - well, then I must be a failure. In life. In everything.

Well, I'm tired of believing all that. I know I'm not a failure. I know that God did not give me whatever time on earth He's given me to continue to wallow my way through life.

This morning's sermon, I do believe was written just for me. One line in particular. This key ingredient I've been missing in all MY "effortful cultivation" of joy. The line goes like this: "Faith is the supernatural exchange of fact for truth." Oh - and the Bible says that faith is a gift. You have to ask for it! Because you can't just make faith "happen." It's given to us - and for good reason. All of our own efforts - our "cultivation", our winding up and falling over - gets us nowhere. It's the gift of faith. The fact is, I may feel unhappy - I may "feel" like I've failed everything. But that's not the truth. The truth is that in my heavenly father's eyes: I'm perfect. I am loved. The mere call of his name: "Daddy." - and He melts just because I called Him. Me, Gena.

In all the ups and downs and somewhere inbetweens, there's been a song that snaps me back to that perfect place of peace everytime. It has become my anthem. I'd like to share it with you. Here are the lyrics and below is a link to the MP3 file. And in the meantime - thanks for listening to my ramblings. It's late, which probably means I should not share from the heart, but here I am doing it anyway. Love to all - Gena.

All I Have
What have I in this life
But the love in Your eyes
This empty world will one day fade
Only Your truth will remain

Jesus, all I have is You
You're the hope I'm holding to
I might weep but still my faith

Rests in You
As the heavens hold the skies
It's Your hand that holds my life
And Your love will lead me on
When all else is gone

All I Have